Just water and gas

So I’m not pregnant, I am tired but with my life I should be. =) I have resolved that my mother was spot on suggesting I had retained water after binging on salty snacks and therefore had two days of constant peeing. And Cici’s is to blame for the gas I am sure. The oddness of the pressure, well that’s likely just a result of how my body is now. I mean I am 40 for goodness sake and Niki’s pregnancy and birth made for many unwelcome changes to my body. But she is the sweetest girl and worth all of it.

I do wonder if I really screwed something up in my rear-end when I mattress surfed with the kids because that was March 27th and I still have a lot of pain at times on my left bum cheek. No too excited to have that checked out. I do need to make time to get that video uploaded to AFV.

I listenened to a FABULOUS sermon this morning by Robert Emmitt on Crisis Pregnancy. The takeaway from it was simply to pray, get support and have the child. I was amazed at some of the people he mentioned that had or were crisis pregnancies. President Obama, Faith Hill, Steve Jobs, Eleanor Roosevelt, Justin Beiber and the founder of Wendy’s are some he named and of course Mary, Joseph and Jesus. Praise God! The sermon also personally relieved pressure off of me that if I should ever become pregnant again, there would be not one worry, only complete faith and gratitude to Jesus Christ for the most precious blessing and gift.

YES – I am/don’t know/not pregnant

I feel like I am pregnant, but I got fixed on 4.9.2010 so I’m not and never will be again. I had brown miniscule droplets that tinged the toilet paper when I wiped 3 days ago, but I took a test at lunch today and I’m not. I had to pee 20 times each on Saturday and Sunday and I have gas (and therefore a dull ache) that keeps getting stuck on what I believe to be my backwards tilting pregnant uterus, but today is only day 14 of my cycle so I’m not.

This is going to be a very long week and a half until I start my cycle. I do feel very intune to my body but my brain knows that I am not pregnant. My brain reasons that this and all the other months I have ever felt/thought I was pregnant is my purgatory. My tell tale heart. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.

I even went as far as to ask Jaime this morning what she would have done if we had put Niki up for adoption to a very loving, needy, childless couple. She said “I wouldn’t let you. They could adopt a different child.” So I asked her thoughts if we were to adopt and she said it might be weird for the first week but then normal.

I have read the sites I obsessed over when TTC and my own blog from Niki’s birth and think I may have to test again in a couple days. My bum is uncomfortable from the gas. I “know” I am pregnant. Maybe it’s an tubal pregnancy and my tube will burst and I’ll die. This is getting serious. =)

PS – The due date is 2.2.12