I didn't consciously intend to, but I just went 12 hours with no nicotine, so I'm on my way!
I don’t really know exactly what time I smoked my last cigarette (best estimate is 1047pm), because I had no clue then it would be my last cigarette.  I do remember putting it out and as I smashed and twisted it before heading to bed I thought I should save this butt in case I never smoke again and then I thought phoey – that’s not the plan – the plan was – well the doctor said that I should take Chantix and Nicorette gum and set my date for 8.8.11 or 8.11.11.  Joe said he would start the quit stuff too.  Both of us knowing we were in the short roads, I kinda messed up.  I should have thought about it more – but didn’t and bought a WHOLE carton on the way home.  IF Joe and I were to take the Chantix – we already know that we’d pretty much be quit and smoke hardly anything.  That stuff if powerful – too powerful.  In fact, that’s why I’m not gonna take it.  And 12.5 hours SN I am still doing okay.  I will say that I brought the one/1st (stopped typing to take a call and have no clue where that was going)
I will say that I have prayed A LOT since around 10pm last night – mostly because I was teaching myself the Lord’s Prayer from memory – so I started and repeated it more than half a dozen times.  I also found an image of it and saved it as my phone’s wallpaper.
Sooo in going back to a website I used for a previous quit attempt – I came across their take on Chantix and a email/report released by Pfizer this year showing  “Through the 3rd quarter of 2010 the FDA had received a total of 36,342 U.S. reports of adverse events among varenicline users. Among them were "272 cases of completed suicide, 323 cases of suicide attempt and 63 cases described as suicidal behavior." ISMP noted previously identifying 408 cases of violence, which were defined as homicide, assault, physical abuse, violence-related symptom and homicidal ideation.”
I also found that every site I went to shows cold turkey as the method with the highest success rate – and the one thing that was better than that was an unplanned cold turkey quit
I am tired.  Really tired.  The day seems to be dragging by but that's okay.  I'll be able to get more stuff done.

It’s 1146 and I’ve had two visions of wanting to take a cigarette break just know – I also feel a touch of a headache starting – taking 4 advil now =)  ohhhhh cookie dough!i can’t ignore my breaks – that won’t do anyone any good – I just need to take them in different places and do anything but smoke on them.
It’s 211pm and I don’t feel so hot.  After my last typing and eating the cookie dough I went outside for a break, spoke to a smoker who wished me well, grab two hot dogs, two chips and two sodas from the building picnic.  I ate the hot dogs and one bag of chips and thought this isn’t half bad, blah blah blah, then I talked to joe and tried to take a power nap which he interrupted with a text – oh well
I guess my receptors are starting to realize they won’t ever get that nicotine fix again – wah wah wah
At this moment – I honestly don’t think that I will ever have energy or smile or laugh again.  I trust my Lord Jesus Christ to prove me wrong.  Deep breath.  Feeling better already.  Still REALLY tired.  Gonna be an early night tonight.  Another deep breath.  I need to get some fedex labels ready but then I need to research breathing and make me a straw sucky thing.
For the record, started off the morning with a coke from last night I think and a good sized OJ.  Also for the record – I don’t know what I weigh but I swear these pants I have worn for years are sooooo close to tight – it ain’t funny. 

This is gonna be tough – but I will make it.  And when I am through the harsh  addiction – I can start an exercise regimine
237pm – I am really tired – I smell good though – I am eating a banana cream pie
304pm – I have a little more energy – I am eating my pretzel chips and gonna grab a coke now =)
310pm – grabbed an OJ also – I should probably be drinking more water – I wish I could remember the last time I quit – how long and how bad it was – granted today was calm and slow and I need to have faith that I can hang in the toughest of times –
Fast forward to 7.29.97 937am – hour #35 – and I am doing okay (ftr-took 2 pms pills, felt a slight headache coming on)– yesterday afternoon was fine – did okay with the little ones last night – could have been a little nicer but hey they are very undisciplined and honestly deserve a lot worse than they got – there now I feel better – anyways they did eat and head to bed early and I had intended to write some more last night but fell right asleep – which is fine – my body needs sleep considering it’s been running on chemicals for 25 years now – poor thing.
Through the night and this morning was the toughest I’ve experienced and it really wasn’t THAT bad – all things considered – I think my body is just trying to send out demands for nicotine when I am sleeping and first wake up in the hopes I’ll just go and smoke – but that’s not gonna happen – I need to visualize sleeping through the night and waking up refreshed and having a new morning routine whether it’s jumping in the pool or sitting in a particular chair and drinking some juice or just something other than smoking
I am gonna gain weight though – I went ahead and put a maternity shirt today – atleast it still fits – I am still so tired – may have to take a power nap here coming up
I am having the WORST time concentrating – I am such a bubble head – with no attention span – but I am doing it – yeah me!
I also realized that this is the first attempt I have ever made to quit smoking while nursing a child – I wonder if that is helping the withdrawal severity – I still believe it’s God and God alone working this miracle
I am so tired – I swear I am not depressed – just tired and hungry – stupid cigarettes screwed up my whole life =)
7.29.97 250pm – 40 HOURS – YEAH ME!!!